so new years. ive been thinking. and the new year is supposed to be like a clean slate. fresh start, new beginning. but it's reeally not. you know the same people, they're aware of your same mistakes and you're aware of theirs. you don't get a second chance at botched relationships or a new shot at a missed opportunity. you fuck up when you write a check for a few weeks, then you get used to the new number. that's all that really changes. well, not all that really changes. construct tho it is, this arbitrary date gives some people the excuse to really examine themselves, where they've been, where they're headed. and given that reflection some people really do change direction.

anyway. clean slates have me thinking about down the road when i'll be going off to college. it seems like im putting that time on a pedestal, believing it'll be a REAL clean slate. all new people, all new surroundings. nobody will know anything about who i was or what i did, i get to start fresh with who i am. it's all so appealing. of course it won't be as total as that, but i feel like i want it to be. i want to go to college in like california, or in another country. i'll make it my home, really. everyone else i know who left for college this year still calls this town home. i guess i will for a while, but it seems like if i'm close it'll be .. i'll keep coming back. because i love so many people here and i couldn't be so close and not be with them. but if i was far away, there'd be a big horned monster of ocean or of land between us. and suddenly that stretch of space is the enemy, and there's no guilt and there's no conflict. i am where i am and it's my new home, and ill get back when i can but it's understandable that that's not often. but college, clean slate, back to all that. the new, fresh beginning ... for real. well how often do you get that chance? i want to sever all ties, and leave here and never look back. again, ill never be able to, ive made too many connections and i really do love too many people. but this is about ideals.

dangerous, those. this ideal that i'll leave here and the mistakes i made here won't matter anymore ... if i let it get out of control i'll start looking forward to it, and it'll seep into my everyday. ill get careless, i'll let my state of affairs here get worse and worse and think "well at least ill leave it all behind soon." and not only am i looking far too off into the future since i'll be here another 2 and a half years, but there are roots here that are gonna matter later and i don't wanna fuck up. so i've gotta put this out of my mind for now and take what i've got and try to work with that.
it's not bad at all, really. i've got it pretty damn good. i don't know what the fuck i'm complaining about, if this ends up coming off whiny which these usually do. but whatever, it came out of my face so i bet it knows me better than i do.

at any rate. years may be constructs, but that doesn't make the idea useless. take the time to sit back and think, if only because now is such a stereotypical time to do so as to give you an excuse. have a good year, don't fall into routines and forget to live it.

noes! i've been tagg'd! by jeremy! nooo!

... six weird habits. then tag six peoples. not too hard when its ahead of me, but i bet when i get into it ill draw a total blank.

1. When i sit at my computer desk, i tend to put one foot up on the desk and sink down in a very odd fashion in my chair.

2. If i have a sore tooth or a cut in my mouth or anything, i incesantly poke at it until it hurts like hell

3. I get jokes stuck in my head. Like... the way you can get a song stuck in your head. but with a joke.

4. Every time i make a journal on here or update my livejournal or any kind of blog, i immediately think of something i wanted to say as soon as i hit the upload button. i bet it happens here, too.

5. My left thumb hovers above my keyboard when i type and doesnt do anything. i just realized while typing this that i don't use it.

6. I run out of ideas on the last question. >.>

now to tag .. i poke darkwulfe, and zytka, and jesus teh junior, and deathtonormals, and kalwakuruni. number six holds true.

Whoops. almost forgot - if i don't plug my clubs, i'll be eaten by dragons, beaten by dwarves, and assaulted by volleys of slingshot and crossbow bolts. >.>
Member of:

Yup. the tablet pen is again gone. ive been out of the loop here for a while, so i figured id let y'all know why. and that's why. i did a picture of my Ice dragon with coloured pencils, and i've got it scanned, but i've gotta mess with the colours until it looks good. so that should be up relatively soon. but no more digital art until i get my hands on a new wacom stylus.

Member of:

Friends: all the people i'm devwatching. duh.

because she didnt tag anybody.Tagged by: Not tagged. omgstolen from ~toxicfool

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
for lifesaving on land and at sea: MBE... [it was a guiness book of world records, the record was for most civillian awards. what a bad record.]

2.Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.
I hit a lava lamp, a clock radio, one of those little relaxation fountains, an empty snapple bottle, a glass of some sort of old juice, and a converter from a quarter inch mono plug to a mono earphone jack.

3. What is the last thing you watched on T.V.?
a really old spongebob episode, because i couldnt find the remote and i can tolerate the really old ones.

4. Without looking, guess what time it is
9:14

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
8:34. i got the last digit right.

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Family talking loudly downstairs. appears someone just came in the door.. it'll die down in a second.

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
just a few minutes ago - coming back in from jazz band rehersal.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
Just browsing about Dev. saw ~jesusthejr 's new desktop screenshot.

9. What are you wearing?
bluejeans, a choir hoodie, and under that, a black t-shirt. plus my greenday armband and my silver bracelet, but i dont take those off. i took off my big armband tho... it's fake leather and it gets gross when i sweat. >.>

10. Did you dream last night?
Now that you mention it, i think i did, but hell if i can remember what it was about. I should start writing them down, because i have a feeling they're pretty cool.

11. When did you last laugh?
Sometime at jazz band im sure, we're all jokesters.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
oh god, so much stuff. this is my room. lessee. a whiteboard, my hyrule sheild i made for my link cosplay, a yankees poster, a basketball net, a decorative iron cross, many a sports team pennant, a big vertical mirror, some sketch i did of a room fulla band equipment (guitars, amps, the like), a little blue man made of plywood from a play i was in, some surround-sound speakers that don't have shelves to stand on, 2 windows, a few shelves cluttered with videogames and nostalgia, a hubcap, a clock, a little cross with jeebus and some water from some holy river in it, a very old starwars poster, and the brackets where some shelves we took down used to be.

13. Seen anything weird lately?
I was just at jazz band. lotsa the guys there are weird. i guess that counts.

14. What do you think of this quiz?
I'm answering all the questions with like.. semi-paragraphs, and i applaud you if you've made it this far.

15. What is the last film you saw?
Spirited Away, the other night.

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
World peace. No, really, probably a recording studio and a bunch of kickass computing equipment (like one of those professional tablets where it's a monitor, too, but it still has all kinds of pressure sensitivity and stuff) and some real nice instruments, maybe a trombone. idk. music and electronics, you can count on that theme.

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know.
I'm the *real* ~kajihoreruaiseki 's evil twin.

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
Regardless of guilt, eh? tough to answer that truthfully, without delving into the selfishness of human nature or whatever. I'd like to say world peace or something that makes me sound nice, but when it gets right down to it... i dont know weather i'd hold out against the temptation.

19. Do you like to dance?
Heck no at all. i can't make my body get into rhythms. i get bored with it, i guess.

20. George Bush:
shut the fuck up.

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Aisling. pronounced ash-leen.

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Connor.

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Hells yeah. i wanna get out. Although in reality, i guess it depends on who i could bring with me.

24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
"I really hadn't planned any of that. Ah well, enjoy your stay."

Oh, april eleventh is my birthday, so whoever gets my 411 pageview, i'll do a gifty pic.

and also, for a second edit, do this thing.

1. Why do you watch me?
2. Why do you comment on my artwork?
3. Why do you watch me and never comment? (for those who just watch me)
4. Why do you just my artwork and never comment?
5. What attracted you to my gallery?
6. What do you like about my artwork?
7. What is your reason for watching me?
8. What style of mine do you like most?
9. What do you want me to draw more of?
10. Just for the hell of it, who's your favorite creation of mine?
11. Which character do you want to see more of?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! My tablet pen broke. The button on the side fell off, and the front got all smashed in and now none of it, not even the eraser part, works. so i have to order a new one, and its like thrity bucks and i have to wait for delivery. So until i scrounge up some cash and order the pen AND the pen gets here, or unless i get a scanner, i can't draw anything to post up here. so there will be a hiatus of doom. i might dig around my hard drive a bit and see if theres anything old that i missed that i want to throw up here, but it's doubtful.